tis the season

May joy, peace and love be yours this season! 

Happy Christmas!

Ritual and Tradition

I have a love/hate relationship with Christmas- a complicated history with a great and horrible time. Christmas, it seems, brings out the very best and the very worst in people. In a recent post I rambled on and on about the evils of Christmas. I wrote about how I hate the "capitalism on crack" aspect of it all, the greediness, how those who need are those who go without, and us- the ones who have everything under the sun, receive more shit to store in the basement once the shiny-newness-feel- great -about -all -of -my- stuff sentiment wears off. Don't get me wrong- I still feel this way- Matt and I stopped into a mall on the weekend (trust me- it will be the ONLY mall that I go into for a LONG time) and it was chaotic hell. 

But- there is so much I love about Christmas too. I was thinking about this while drinking coffee this morning here at work and I think I figured out why I love it so much. Obviously- it's about people- family, relationships and love. But perhaps what makes Christmas so special with our loved ones is the rituals and traditions that we have.  

There is something incredibly comforting about knowing how the holidays work. I know that Christmas morning- my brother will obnoxiously enter into my room and tell me to get my ass out of bed- and I'll marvel at how frigging early it is, and how every year- despite how LAZY Evan is- he'll make it out of bed before me- bright eyed and bushy tailed. My mom will make coffee and then we'll sit around in our living room and open our stockings- one. wrapped. item. at. a time.

Since I was little- my mom wrapped all of our stocking gifts individually- which made opening them so exciting. Like my brother's freakish early morning rising on Christmas day- his patience and genuine joy in GIVING his gifts to us has always surprised me. For as long as I can remember Evan and I have always filled a stocking for our mom- when we were really young, our Grandma helped us buy things, but for the past 10 years probably, Evan and I have done it ourselves. I think because our parents are divorced and because my mom always made a stocking for Ev and I, we thought that we should make one for her- and now, looking back at our younger selves I feel a deep sense of pride- like I can look back on Ev and I as small kids buying our mom probably completely random stuff for her stocking and how appreciative she was of us- and how much we loved doing it for her. I can't speak for everyone from single parent families, but I know for my brother and I- our mom literally was and still is everything to us- anyone who knows her can attest to her strength, competence and compassion. So making a stocking for her has always been something that we find great joy in- it's a tradition and part of why I love Christmas. 

Like I mentioned before too- Christmas is so meaningful because I can physically see how much my mom and my brother love to give gifts. I think we all can understand this feeling- when you have tenderly searched for the perfect gift for someone that you love- and there is so much suspense and excitement as they open it- because you want them to love the gift that you've chosen for them. You want them to feel loved. I'm always shocked at how emotional I can be at Christmas- last year, because I know my mom would be selling the house this year, I copied the pencil marks on one of our doorways that documented our growth all those years in our house. I put it in a frame and of course, my mom cried when we gave it to her- and then I got teary eyed-- because it meant something- to her and to me. I love that part of Christmas- the joy of giving and receiving- especially gifts that have lasting meaning and significance- gifts that weren't purchased on a whim in some hellish mall, but rather gifts that include a bit of heart, a lot of love or time--gifts where the person has literally given you a piece of themselves. I love that.

 I love the silly traditions that don't have an obscene amount of meaning, but are just things that you do every year and love. For us, we usually watch a movie on Christmas eve-- the past couple of years it's been Love Actually (Mom's request) and a favourite of mine. We always skip dinner and eat a random assortment of finger foods and mozzarella sticks and mini spring rolls. I have no idea why we do this- but I love it. Then on Christmas morning- we eat an artery clogging breakfast of eggs benedict. Delicious. 

Decorating the Christmas tree is another tradition that I love. The last couple of Christmases I have been fortunate enough to be with Matt's family when they decorate their tree. I love to hear all of the stories of the ornaments, where they came from, or how Matt's mom sewed her own ornaments the first few years of their marriage because they didn't have any decorations. That history is so rich and the stories that are shared during the decorating of the Christmas tree are so meaningful and full of lives lived and memories kept. I felt so lucky to be a part of that- to add my own ornament to their beautiful tree. 

Finally- (hello, welcome to story time with Cait...) at my Dad and Sam's house Evan and I have always had stockings. When we were really little they bought us these stockings that have bear heads on them-like the size of a normal teddy bear's head. It's weird now writing about it- I mean bear head stockings- weird, but yes, we have almost always had these. When Sam bought them for us- she also got us glitter glue and fabric markers to write our names on them. I think Ev was really small and needed help so Sam just wrote his name in sparkle glue. But ME- being the INCREDIBLY artistic and creative person I am - decided that rather than writing my name on the spot where it should go- would do a "design" on Teddy's giant head. So, I "drew" (read: scribbled) a Christmas tree on his big white head. It's hideous. I proceeded to attempt to write my name, but can now see that its illegible. My stocking looks ridiculous- but now, countless years later, I love seeing that stupid bear- and I love hearing the story that mine looks idiotic because I refused help and considered myself the child prodigy of Picaso. I was so wrong- but my 25 year old self loves the unabashedness ( is that a word?)  of my six year old self. 

See- I'm not scrooge- I don't hate Christmas. I just hate all of the pressure, the spending, the running around. How much better is it to just BE with the people you love rather than battle the masses the mall to find some stupid gift that will end up in a landfill some day. The rituals, the traditions, and specifically the time spent with family and friends are the only things that will last. 

I hope that you have many traditions and rituals to look forward to with your family this Christmas. 

Dry

There is this strange Christian conception about "living out of the overflow"- It's tossed around in Christian circles and to the best of my knowledge, it refers to the idea that we are to let God fill us with His abundant love, and then because we are so full of God's love, we are to lavish our love onto others. Despite its churchy overtones, its a nice concept. I was thinking about this saying recently- and questioning what it actually looks like to live this way. What does it look like when someone has love pouring out of them? I certainly don't know, because I am pretty convinced that I  don't live this way.

So, as a means to understanding this idea better- I decided to try to figure out what the opposite of "living out of the overflow" would look like.

Water is often used in the bible as a metaphor- and the word "overflow" itself seems to denote a liquid of some type- so, let's stick with water. 

The opposite of overflowing- is dry, barren, brittle...and thirsty. 

I would like to suggest that in our culture we live in a constant state of thirst or dryness. I don't know about you, but there are a number of possessions, accomplishments and people in my life that I need in order to feel valuable. For example, it makes me feel valuable knowing that I have a partner that loves me, a post secondary education and a place to live. More subtly, it makes me feel great when someone says that they think I am intelligent or that they like a particular piece of clothing I own. I'm not sure if this is hardwired into us, but the way that we have come to categorize something is through comparison. Again, for example- there is a sick and shameful place in me that secretly feels good when I have something (or someone or a certain accomplishment) that someone else (even if it's a friend of mine, and perhaps even more shamefully, especially when it's a friend) doesn't have that certain something. 

We use comparisons as a way of defining ourselves. It's a bit like living in the desert- where there is no water anywhere and EVERYONE is thirsty. You can imagine that such a place would become rather cut-throat as everyone is trying to quench their own thirst. 

I believe that the world we live in is like a desert.  We've got +6 billion people looking for ways to quench their thirst and meet their needs. In order to feel valuable, special and worthy, we must find sources of water. In North America, this "water" that I speak of is degrees, cottages, number of friends, weddings, being first, promotions, travels, blackberrys, nice cars, big houses, etc. 

You get the picture. 

Retail therapy is a particular term made up to describe this phenomenon when it refers to purchasing goods and services to make us feel better about ourselves. My good friend Deb just wrote a great post about how "online communities" (or rather anti-communities) are adding to this problem with people wasting hours and hours of time browsing their acquaintance's photos and lives. We spend ridiculous amounts of time updating our "statuses" to tell people exactly what we're doing in a given moment. We have become so focused on creating desirable "online images"-completely self-involved and narcissistic to think that all  432 of your  "friends" care that you're done exams/on holidays/tired/sick/excited for this or that.  I am completely guilty here. While I want to tell you that I have NO IDEA why I have participated in such bullshit- it that would be a lie. I have wasted time in 'fake online land' because of course I wanted people to think that I have a desirable and exciting life.

Might I say this is why you participate too?

The fake online world of facebook is a lot like porn-- not only is it addicting, but it disguises itself as "reality"- when in fact, like the contrived pleasure of porn stars, this world is anything but real. It's a carefully edited, constructed facade of the truth. It's a place where we have control as to what we look like, who can write on our 'wall' and who our 'friends' are. The more and more I think about it, the more sick it makes me. Last year for lent, Matt and I decided to take a facebook fast- 40 days, no facebook. I have to admit, that I glanced at it a few times, but in the end it was a refreshing break. I think it might be high time for another hiatus. 

We fool ourselves into thinking that we NEED things, can't live without such things. 

"How will I know about my friend's events if I can't check my "events" page?" 

" How will people get in touch with me?!" 

But in the end, it comes down to fear and stupidity. "How will I live without it?"- is answered by, "you just will."

Phew, soapbox facebook tangent over.  

So, we're a thirsty people who need stupid shit like blackberrys, facebook friends and cool clothes to make us feel good about ourselves. We're dry and we try to get a hold of any sort of liquid to quench our thirst. This is the absolute opposite of overflow. This is desert, wanting, and resources wars. This is the anti-overflow.

If this is what the overflow isn't, then what is it?

Living out of the overflow is first and foremost knowing who you are. 

You are I are exactly enough- as we are, today, yesterday forever. 

You and I are perfectly made by a creator who makes no mistakes.

You and I could not be loved any more. 

Nothing that I have or do- will ever, ever change this. My value, my worth-- is inalienable. Unchanging. Forever. 

This truth is only accessible, not because I am worthy, but rather because Jesus came to earth to show us a new way to live.  A way to love our enemies, to eat and drink together,  and to love the sick and the lonely. A way to be free. 

When I remember this simple truth, it doesn't matter to me what my job is, how much money I have or whether or not my friends think I dress cool. When I remember who I am, I am not thirsty, I am quenched...and my frantic scavenge for things in this world to make me feel good about myself lose their gleam and the facade falls away and I can see that it's all meaningless bullshit. 

In truth, these moments of clarity are few and far between, and unfortunately I spend way more time comparing myself to other people who in secret probably feel inferior too. But, in those moments when I realize that I am valuable as is- I don't need to compare myself any longer--and I don't need so much junk to  to fool myself into feeling great because I have brighter skin/lost weigh/have silky hair/the newest fashion must have/and on and on.

If we are were able to consistently remember who we are-I think we'd give consumerism a good run for it's money. We would no longer be fooled into thinking that any sort of product or title would  fill that hole in our hearts and we wouldn't need to buy more crap. We'd have more time to dream about ways to make the world a better place- how to help people, to create, to have tea, to paint, to imagine and talk together- face to face. 

We would live in the overflow- where all people would know that they are loved, that their names are carved on their creator's palms- and from that truth, joy would pour out onto the streets  and into the fields. The rat race would be over - and we'd all be winners. 

It is my deepest hope to live in such a world. 

To be loved is to be known.

Happy Birthday Matt!

Happy Birthday Matt!
Another year, another birthday blog. I am so grateful to be a part of your life- and so thankful for everything you are and who you have continued to be and become this past year. Here's to many more memories and many more birthdays.
I hope that your years become infinitely better- filled with joy, wisdom, love and hope.
You're the best.
I love you.

For the Hamilton Crew...

This movie is playing on Friday night at Melrose United Church
86 Homewood Ave

Here's a brief synopsis:

"From producer Morgan Apurlock (SUPERSIZE ME) comes the serious docu-comedy about the commercialization of Christmas. What Would Jesus Buy? follows Reverend Billy and the Church of Stop Shopping Gospel Choir as they go on a cross country mission to save Christmas from the Shopocalypse: the end of mankind from consummerism, over-consumption, and the fires of eternal debt!

Suggested Donation: $5
Includes Fair Trade Coffee

Do you want to come with?

Margaret Mead

I saw the ants again today- I didn't even bother to try to kill them this time. To be honest, it was one of those moments where the familiar presence of something, even something relatively disgusting, was comforting. There's been lots on my mind- particularly about the usual things that keep me awake at night...how frigged up the world is and how I have a role in that.

I've been thinking today a bit about Gandhi, random- yes.

I wonder if he came up with the idea "be the change you wish to see in the world" while he was doing one of his hunger strikes. Or was it before? Maybe he realized if he was really going to live up to this concept-- he'd have to actually act in a way that cost him something- in this case, that he'd literally have to starve in order to change the world around him. 

A number of things have happened this week that have led me to this train of thought. Again and again I find myself coming back the now tired topic of the difference between "knowing and doing" and I have written about our society and how messed up it is- and how messed up we are. I've written about having these "ah ha" moments when I can clearly see how twisted we live and how I have no idea what to do about it.

This week a temporary Walmart employee was trampled to death by shoppers looking for bargains in in a New York City suburb. A lot of my friends have been talking about this event with total shock and disgust- as they should. It's shocking and disgusting BUT I can't help but thinking that it's not all that surprising either. Do you know how many BILLIONS of dollars will be spent this Christmas on gifts that people do not need? Do you know that the very people who need the generosity of Christmas- the poor, the oppressed, those without homes, or extravagant luxuries like nutritious food, are the VERY people who do not receive gifts? As a society we have bastardized a holiday that was meant to celebrate hope, new life, joy and radical giving and replaced it with a holiday that is based on meaningless traditions like "we have to give them a gift worth about $50 because that's what they give us." We pay our homage to the shopping Gods at the temple of the mall and we rush, rush, rush and stress about finding the "perfect" gift for someone who most likely wants nothing more than our time, attention and love. 

I say all this, because again I am in that purgatory between knowing and doing. And I know how hard it is when it comes to traditions and the way "things have always been." Last year I told my mom that I wasn't "doing" Christmas this year and I didn't want any gifts. Can you guess what happened? 

She cried. 

She shed tears because for her there is great joy in giving my brother and I gifts.

My mom is the most generous, loving, radically selfless women I know and she cried when I told her I didn't want gifts. 

Of all people I expected her to understand. 

In the end- my mom made me a sock monkey and bought me much needed tires for my car. She has made me personalized cook books with all of my favourite recipes, quilts, and other meaningful gifts that don't cost a lot of money. And those have always been, and always will be my favourite gifts.

So this year I am taking a different approach. I'm consciously budgeting how much money I spend. I am setting an amount and sticking to it. When at all possible, I am making gifts for the people I love. Or, taking a cue from my wise friend Sim, I'll give gifts of my time- or experiences that my friends, family and I can share together. I know, that if I spend less money on the people in my life who already have more than they know what to do with, I can give away more money to those who really need it. I can resist all of the urges in me to consume and consume and to go with the flow. I can decide that no sale is ever more important than a human life. 

I just read this article about a former weapons engineer who now lives on $5000 a year so he can have a smaller footprint and give more money away. A WEAPONS ENGINEER-- talk about a modern day tax collector. Stories like this inspire me because I know that if he can change- than I can change. And that's what it comes down to...I need to change. And perhaps to be a but presumptuous- I think we all need to change.  For example- in the process of writing this post, I saw a commercial for Sharp TVs and the tag line of the ad was "Change your TV, Change your life". We need to speak out against these lies. Hearing such things and ultimately have faith in such lies is what leads to Walmart employees being trampled to death for a good bargain. 

Finally, to conclude- I'll leave you with a Brian McLaren quotation that I love. He's talking here about a group of people who can come together to actually make a difference and change the world: 

" A community of people who begin to wake up to the covert curriculum in which they swim each day and would want to band together to share their insights about it. They would help one another not be sucked in, mot be massaged into passivity, not to be malformed by this powerful educational process occurring in a multimedia classroom without walls or vacations. They would remind one another of the alternative framing story they had come to believe was good, beautiful, and true, and they would seek, together, to live by this alternative framing story, the radical good news."

I so desperately want to be one of these people and in this group. Please help me to not be sucked in- and thank you for all of the ways you, my community, already challenge and inspire me.

Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has.

-Margaret Mead

*Photo credit- Steve Dinn Flickr

Apathy

The upstairs bathroom at Matt's house has ants. They've been taking over for a while now...slowly appearing in the summer and crawling most disgustingly on the counter, the shower curtain and on the floor. I've killed quite a few of them. 

The boy's bathroom gets pretty disgusting. And by pretty disgusting- I meant super gross, don't-want-to-touch-anything yucky. I guess that is to be expected when it gets cleaned twice a year and three guys who leave gross little shaved facial hairs everywhere and apparently aren't afraid to live in their own filth don't mind.

I have a confession.

Last night I saw the ants crawling near my toothbrush. Yup. I had a fleeting feeling of disgust. Then I smushed a few with my finger. 

And then my grossed-outness feeling passed.

Yup. It passed.

Cait: "Matt, the ants are crawling near my toothbrush again."

Matt: (still wearing his medal for being the only one to clean the bathroom since September) "WHAT? I cleaned the bathroom two weeks ago- they're back?!"

Cait: (thinks briefly that Matt has a decreasing IQ for thinking that it's acceptable to clean a bathroom once in three months)  "yup- they're back. "

End of conversation. 

I'm not sure if I should pat myself on the back for being so apathetic and laid-back about the ants (and maybe for not just biting the bullet and cleaning their damn bathroom myself) or to give myself a swift kick in the ass.

I solved the problem by telling myself that I've never ACTUALLY seen them crawl on my toothbrush.

The way I see it, it's only a matter of time. 

Don't judge too much, ok?

advent conspiracy.

Of late...

Look familiar? New flower, new wine. The waiter at the Mexican Restaurant on James St. gave Deb and I flowers the last time we were there. I don't particularly love roses, but this made my day. The restaurant has lots of different types of fresh flowers and pineapples(!) for decoration. It looks straight out of Central America. I am really looking forward to Matt's birthday dinner there next weekend with all of our friends.

Jenny and Gill had a dinner party at their sweet place. It was awesome to see where they lived- a great dinner with homemade bread and more bottles of wine than guests!
Oliver sang a song about a turtle. Matt was his kapo. Good times.

Happy Birthday Rums!

Happy Birthday to my dear friend Rhonda! 

Here's to you on your special day- know that the world is better (i am better!) because you were born.

Thank you for your leadership, and perhaps more importantly, your friendship! 

I am so glad to be your friend and to laugh with and learn from you!

Much love from frigging cold Hamilton!

* Rhonda is doing AWESOME work in Mexico- you can follow her adventures at http://www.rhosadventures.blogspot.com/

Love Extravagantly

These words about love are some of the most oft cited by Christians and people of every or no religious conviction. I came across these words again today in the Message- and this time I felt like they really sunk in. That's the incredible thing about great literature and wisdom- it never gets old. The more you read it or hear it, the more you get it- the more real and revealing the truth becomes. 

I hope that these words might expose and reveal a little bit of the mystery to you...

"Love never gives up.

Love cares for more for others than for self.

Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.

Love doesn't strut. 

Doesn't have a swelled head,

Doesn't force itself on others,

Isn't always "me first,"

Doesn't fly off the handle,

Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,

Doesn't revel when others grovel,

Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,

Puts up with anything,

Trusts God always,

Always looks for the best,

Never looks back,

But keeps going to the end.

Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day, praying in tongues will end, understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete appears, our incomplete will be cancelled...

But for now, until that completeness, we have three things to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love."

Corinthians 13

Tension

I feel like I have had so much to think about lately, like so many thoughts have been floating around in my head, often bumping in to each other. But at the very same time, I've been having a hard time expressing or organizing these new ideas and realizations. Tonight, fortunately I've finally been able to label what I am feeling: grateful, overwhelmed, happy. I've had such a sense of joy lately- the kind of contentment that makes you feel like eventually something has to give. I'm not naive of the problems of this world- I see poverty, inequality, and just plain ole' unfairness everyday. I spend a lot of time reading about or hearing stories of awful illnesses happening to people out of the blue. I've realized that this pull between joy and fear is a part of the human condition. We live in tension. Simultaneously a black man can be elected as the 44th president of the US and the rights of same sex couples can be voted away by people who are not effected by their choices. We live in tension. Progress and regression. Joy and pain.

There are two streams of thought I think that have come out of this thinking for me. 

Firstly there are times when we are joyful, when we are fulfilled by our communities, when our groups of friends are real and fun and alive, when we share meals and wine, when we laugh, when we run, when we build bridges and genuinely enjoy caring about people- I've been experiencing this so much lately. Just pure thankfulness for the amazing people in my life. I'm almost speechless at the opportunities that I have to learn and to feel challenged. These times are beautiful and good. Even amidst the suffering and pain in the world- we can love and live. And for these moments, I am so grateful. 

Secondly, we cannot forget the other end of the spectrum. We must remember that at times, we all will suffer- there will be illness, death, loss- there are people in our midst who are in need.  We live in tension. I was reading a book about Mother Teresa recently and it got me thinking about her life. I know that she was an incredible woman of God- and that she loved those who were seemingly unloved. But what really captured me was that she chose to enter into the tension, the pain. She did not buffer herself from the groans and pains of humanity. Instead, she willingly cared for the dying, simply because she could. Author Shane Claiborne writes about his time with Mother Teresa and his work with the dying. He writes about how he bandaged the wounds of a man with leprosy, a man who would clearly be dead in a few days, if not hours. I cannot imagine how heartbreaking that would have been for him- to look into the eyes of a man who was hurting, who was dying. Even more so, I cannot imagine how hard it must have been for Mother Teresa to dedicate her life to the marginalized. To look death and pain in the face- and to choose to enter into. That is what makes her such an amazing woman - and what makes her life such a testimony to the grace and love of Christ--rather than spending her days avoiding pain, she welcomed it, for the sake of love. 

My thoughts on this are still developing, but I know for sure that there is something to be said about this type of lifestyle. I see this quality in some of my friends- women and men who chose to be friends with those who are poor, unstable, ill, lonely. They choose to enter in this suffering, to share the pain. This is part of what it means to be Christ in the world. I am so inspired by people who are able to love like this, to live like this. I am so thankful to be a part of a community that strives to share joy and pain. 

We live in such a beautiful, broken, glorious, and bleeding world. I know I am being incredibly redundant when I say that I am thankful. Overwhelmingly, undeservedly thankful. Today, I will thank God for a community that is wise enough and loving enough to reflect His light, acting as conduits of His love, sharing each other's joy and pain, and living life together, and accepting this tension. 

...There should be no division of in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honoured, every part rejoices with it. 1 Cor 12: 25, 26

50,000 pairs of Shoes in 50 days: I know YOU (yes, you) have $5 to spare!!

I

PLEASE READ- then.....ACT. Let's be a part of something HUGE.
I have personally seen children in the third world without shoes and it's heartbreaking.
Please consider giving $5 to donate TWO pairs of shoes. No shipping, no going to the store and buying the shoes...it's literally as easy as a few clicks!
www.50000shoes.com
*Just click on the picture above*

Please consider emailing this on or telling your friends!

Press release:

WWW.50000SHOES.COM Website to Target Bloggers and Social Media Users In Effort to Raise Funds for 50,000 Pairs of New Shoes in 50 Days

Nashville, TN -- November 7, 2008 -- Soles4Souls, the international charity dedicated to providing free footwear to those in desperate need, has announced plans to launch a new fundraising website, www.50000shoes.com. The charity is challenging bloggers and social media users to raise funds for 50,000 pairs of new shoes in 50 days.

Through the new world of blogging, emailing, twittering, and through many other forms of online media, the non-profit hopes to achieve not only the fundraising goal, but also to spread their mission far and wide. The Soles4Souls www.50000shoes.com charity challenge will be live on Monday, November 10, 2008 and end on Wednesday, December 31, 2008.
"We have been utilizing the basic Web-based marketing tools such as e-mail blasts, social networking and YouTube videos. However, this website, www.50000shoes.com, is the natural evolution of our viral marketing plan," said Soles4Souls Founder and CEO, Wayne Elsey.
"A strong grass-roots effort, combined with an effective web-based social marketing platform, will allow Soles4Souls to form online community in a creative manner while being effective with raising funds and helping those in need," he said.

Both the tech savvy and the computer challenged can visit www.50000shoes.com to download their choice of four (4) Soles4Souls banners ad and blog widgets. Using the tools provided, users will be able to easily email, blog, or twitter the challenge to friends, family and co-workers as well as ask everyone to continue spreading the message.

"This is a huge challenge to meet a huge need. We want to virally attack the issues of poverty and make it simple for the end user to play a role in it," Elsey stated.

Donating is easy and takes just a click and a couple of minutes. It requires no shipping, no wrapping and no trips to the post office. The monetary donation is small with $5.00 buying two pairs of new shoes. Anyone can click and give, and all donations are tax-deductible.

After 50,000 pairs have been donated, one person (with a guest of their choosing) will be selected at random to deliver the shoes they purchased to someone in need on one of Soles4Souls' trips to Mexico!


About Soles4Souls:

Nashville-based Soles4Souls™ facilitates the donations of both new and used shoes, which are used to aid the hurting worldwide. Since its inception, Soles4Souls has distributed more than 3.5 million pairs (or one pair every 23 seconds) to people in 61 countries, including Honduras, Romania, Thailand, and the Sudan. The charity has been featured on CNN Headline News, NBC Nightly News with Brian Williams, ABC News, FOX, CBS, and hundreds of regional outlets around North America. Soles4Souls is a 501(c)(3) recognized by the IRS; donating parties are eligible for tax advantages. Visit www.giveshoes.org for more information.

Matt brought me these flowers on Friday.

He got them at the gas station- a fact that I am pretty sure makes me love them even more.

I'm classy like that. And I've got an amazing boyfriend to boot.

I hope that everyone had a great weekend.

kids voting

Making history

i love politics and apparently I am also a bit of a sap as I got teary eyed today reading and article about African Americans taking their kids to the polls and how their kids finally have someone to look up to that looks like them. It reminded me of Martin Luther King- and yes, teary eyed reading an online news paper, pathetic, i know.

tonight, no matter who wins, history is going to be made.
and we get to witness it.
it gives me goose bumps to think about it.
either way, i think i'll probably shed a few tears tonight.

Disturbia

dum dum di dum dum dum di dum.



check this out.
it's disturbing.

Late in the midnight hour

I have no idea who this guy is- but I love this song- and the joy in his voice,  in the crowd, and in the lyrics.
this song makes me joyful.
i hope that it makes you feel happy too.

Sundays

I love sundays.
I love sundays because I soak up every last second of the weekend.
I love that Sundays can be equally lazy AND productive.
Sleeping in, brunches with friends, hardcore ultiamte games that leave me red in the face for hours, grocery shopping, laundry, church, beers afterwards.
Ah, Sundays are so good.

[rad]ical

Last night I had a really good talk with a friend of mine- as per usual, I was reminded of how grateful I am to have such smart and compassionate women to call friends. My friend is a social work student and we were talking about “the system”- While we were talking about social work in particular, this thought on “the system” can really be used to analyze any system that perpetuates or condones injustice- like the economy or the political system. My friend was talking about how she wrote a paper about how social workers DO perpetuate systems of inequality and dependency. Her argument for why this is was that social workers are lukewarm. I would like to make the claim that MOST of us are lukewarm, thus we all play a role in preserving the status quo. She used the example of radical feminist Simone de Beauvoir to illuminate her point. de Beauvoir makes the argument that all heterosexual sex is in essence rape. This statement seems a little far left on the crazy scale to me- as it did to my friend. But her point was that women studies students will learn de Beauvoir’s argument and then debate it. While de Beauvoir is on the far left of the crazy/too “progressive” continuum, patriarchy and our society in general is probably on the too far right/”back in the stone ages” oppressive. So, these students debate, think, question and wonder- and often end up changed because of a discussion based on such a radical notion. My point here is not to debate the legitimacy of de Beauvoir’s claim, but rather to emphasize that the students were changed by the discussion. My friend argued that social workers are too lukewarm because they themselves are never changed by the discussion- that they are not radical enough, and perhaps not radical at all.
I think Christian thinking comes into play at this point. Some of the most kind, generous, visionary and world-changing people I know are Christians. These people are seen as radicals in our society because they too are willing to be changed by the message. For these people the change comes from believing that Jesus offered us a different way of life- a way to be free from the rat race we live in, a way to cultivate grace and love, the way of community. Here, these Christians are acting like the women studies students that I spoke of above- they are changed by a message, by a belief. So, not only does their thinking change, but their entire life changes…what they value, eat, read, watch, buy, judge, find happiness- all of that changes. Those who are willing to follow the value system of Jesus AND feminists are ALL ABOUT changing the status quo- all about redeeming the mess that we find ourselves in. Feminists may want to change the hypersexualization of women or have more elected women in office where as Christians might want to see less lonely people, fewer hungry people, etc- the key similarity is that what we have now, where we are now, isn’t working- and it’s not enough. You don’t need to look very far to see that millions die from lack of clean water and nutrition and women certainly are not yet equally valued in society.
What is so inspiring about the people that work for these causes, is that they first long to change themselves. To unlearn. To question. To seek justice inside and then outside.
If we want the world to change- if we want the “system” to stop being so screwed up- where children always have enough food and those with disabilities are able to live without the fear of poverty- then we first need to change ourselves.
The question that I have to ask myself is – what am I doing to first change myself, how I live, what I value.
Changing “the system” will never happen if we continue to believe that it is the job of paid professionals to “help the needy” – we should have learned by now that by compartmentalizing our lives- our personal life from our work or careers, we are rendering ourselves ineffective.
My friend’s conception of the “lukewarm social worker” serves as a message to myself that if I want to help people, if I want the world to be a more just and equitable place, it is not going to be about WHERE I work, or WHAT I do, but rather WHO I am. Who YOU are. There are 168 hours in a week- you might work 40 of them…the question is what are you doing with the other 128 hours?
And to end on a rather cliché note, it really does come back to the idea of “BEING the change you want to see in the world”.
And again, I love that is concept is so compatible with the message of Jesus- it’s not about what you do, where you work, what you believe, where you come from- but rather it’s about the unchanging truth that we are loved. And if you ARE something- it should pour out of you and flow into every area of your life.
That is where change is going to come from.

Jesus will dance as we drink His wine
with soldiers and theives and a sword in His side
And we will be joy and we will be right
Jesus will dance as we drink his wine

"Jesus"
Page France

Sex Work

Last week I was fortunate enough to hear Maggie de Vries speak. De Vries is the sister of Sarah de Vries, a woman whose remains were found on Robert Pickton’s now infamous pig farm. Listening to de Vries was interesting for many reasons. Of course, she had a first hand experience of losing a loved one- whereas the rest of us had heard about the awful crimes of Robert Pickton on the news, de Vries lived this reality. More than that, what I took from her presentation was a lesson in assumptions and language.
De Vries spoke of her personal pain and anger of “losing” her sister to drug addiction and the sex trade. She spoke of her judgment towards her sister’s lifestyle. How she feared for her safety when she would visit her, how she discounted that any goodness coming from the lower east side. After her sister was killed de Vries was given her journals- which were her sister’s art and long time mode of expression. De Vries spoke of how she felt “allowed” to read and share her sister’s work because she had been so open with it herself. What was so striking- and shouldn’t have been- was that de Vries showed us, her audience, WHO her sister was, even after her death. The humanity and life that was Sarah de Vries was not underscored by the fact that she was a drug addict, or a sex trade worker. She was first and foremost loved. De Vries spoke of how she was proud of her sister and how if she could go back in time- she would have judged less and loved more. The irony of retrospect is that it is often too late to practice the things we have learned from a given situation- but the beauty is that the lesson carries over to a million and one different circumstances. Maggie cannot bring her sister back so she can love her freely despite her addiction and life choices. But we can love those around us despite their inadequacies. We still have that chance.
Maggie De Vries also spoke of how language can perpetuate or condone violence. Sex work has always existed and will probably always continue to exist. Often those in the sex trade, especially low track, have come to it because of an addiction that must constantly be pacified. Others however, may chose sex work because they are able to make more money, to feed their children, put themselves through school. There is a common phrase that is often used to describe the transaction between a sex trade worker and his or her client: “selling your body.” It is this conception that one can “sell their body” that silently excuses violence against sex trade workers. De Vries made the argument that no one can ever sell their body. It is inherently owned- nothing we do can sell our own bodies. Using this language, innocent or as common as it may seem, appears to give ownership to the client “purchasing” the body. Take for example a masseuse. When a client gets a massage they make a transaction with the masseuse, for a set number of minutes that masseuse will use their hands to rub the clients back. Yet we do not think that this masseuse has “sold” his or her body. When someone receives a massage and buys the service, they are not allowed to do whatever they want to the hands of the masseuse- they cannot break his or her fingers. There is a contract- services are exchanged and both people go on with their day. Yet the stigma of sex- and sex work in particular, has us believe that when a sex worker makes a contract with a client- a sexual act for a set payment, they have somehow signed over control of their body to this client. This conception of “selling one’s body” is so problematic because it means that the sex worker can set no boundaries, has no rights, and thus can be violated or abused in any way that the client sees fit. I would argue that most women (and probably most men) who sell sex have been beaten or raped numerous times. We need to rethink our use of language around the sex trade. Yet this will still only be a first step in combating the violence that happens to so many on our Canadian streets. As I mentioned above, many but not all sex trade workers have drug addictions. I would also make the argument that many sex trade workers were some of the most marginalized in our society before they began to sell sex. Whether from abuse, poverty, social exclusion, addiction- marginalization occurs. The problem is compounded when one enters the sex trade because further ostracization occurs. Think about it- selling sex is “yucky”- and normal “good” people do not want to see it on our streets. De Vries spoke of how originally many sex workers in Vancouver worked on streets that were more residential, with more people to see them and to notice if anything went wrong. However, “good, upstanding” citizens did not want to see sex workers on their streets, so the police became more forceful in removing them from the areas- not only for selling sex, but for simply being there. So, naturally, the sex trade was further pushed to the margins, into the industrial, run down, virtually empty east end, making it easier for predators like Robert Pickton to simply whisk women away.
What I learned more than anything was that a person can never be boiled down into a single category. The women that Robert Pickton killed were not only sex workers- they were sisters, mothers, lovers, friends, aunts, readers, cooks. They, like all of us, deserved to live without the fear of violence, whether they chose to sell sex or not. We cannot and should not create these small boxes for those we love to live in. Doing this can lead to dualistic thinking where one person is “saviour” and the other is “failure”. De Vries noted that when she went to visit her sister in the slum house she lived in she always felt weighed down by her feeling of being a “failed saviour” and she imagines now that her sister felt equally crippled by her feeling of simply being a failure. We need to learn to love people as they are and give ourselves the freedom to love others without questioning how that person’s choices or actions make us look.
Lastly and perhaps most importantly I have learned that nothing, not even through selling sex can you “sell your body”- because it is irreconcilably your own. Violence is never, ever warranted, regardless of the transactions we participate in.

This and that...

Today I realized that I am no longer in the stage of my life where I own one box of cereal at a time...but I am still in the place where cereal, soy milk, and salad seems is an average and acceptable dinner.
Ahh, how things change. I'm up to three boxes now. I may or may not be hoarding.

On a completely different note- I was thinking a little bit about relationships. I picked up this book at Matt's place yesterday by a somewhat local (Christian) author. In this book, the author talks about his life and his work with the marginalized. In the forward and throughout the book he mentions his wife- as his partner, his support, someone he prays with, raises his children with, etc. I knew picking up this book, that the author had split up (maybe divorced?) his wife. I couldn't help think about this as I read the book. What struck me, was at the time of writing, it seemed, from the book anyway, that this couple was doing great things in their life and marriage. Working together with those who are forgotten by society, praying, living. I was reminded that we can never take our relationships, whether they be intimate partnerships or friendships, for granted. We cannot let things coast in neutral. A relationship is a little bit like a car. Put it in drive, with fuel, proper maintenance and care, it will run. But if you shift the car into neutral, and fail to be mindful and persistent, the car will eventually come to a stop. It may roll for a while in neutral, depending on the external variables, but when faced with a challenge like a hill, the car will ultimately stop moving forward.
Reading stories of couples that seem to have it all together and then brake up years and years into their marriages scare me. But it also serves as a gentle reminder to take nothing for granted. Especially the people who mean the most to us. While I am not married, and cannot really KNOW what it's like in the experiential sense, I do know that the fruit of growing with, wrestling with, stumbling with, loving with, hurting with, laughing with, crying with, searching with one person forever is priceless. I heard a good quote once saying " If you knew what you were getting into by getting married, you'd never do it. But at the end of your life together, you'd never have it any other way. That pretty much says it. We will always marry the wrong person. If we were to marry the right person, we'd have to marry ourselves. Because, unfortunately, the human condition has us almost instinctually try to meet our own needs first. No wonder it's a struggle!

Finally...

I want to send a HUGE happy birthday to my INCREDIBLE and BEAUTIFUL friend Kim.

Kim, you don't even know how great you are- which is one of the qualities that makes you so amazing. You've shown me more about friendship than you'll ever know.

I am so HAPPY that you were born. Today I am celebrating YOUR life. You bring so much beauty into the world. 

I love you!

Tiny Fey....you're amazing.

Giving and Receiving

Tonight at church I had a tiny epiphany. Pernell, our pastor was talking about the story in Luke 10 where Jesus tells 72 of his disciples to go out in pairs to tell people in the surrounding communities about the reign of God- to tell them about this new way of living, of freedom. Pernell explained that this was the mission of the church- all churches, the church writ large: we are to simply tell people about God's kingdom- his love and care for us. We are to show it through our lives and in our actions. In light of this, churches don't need individual mission statements- there is no "mission" apart from what I have said above -to live as citizens of God's kingdom and to tell others about it. Talking about this got me thinking about all of the problems that I have with churches. Far too often it seems like churches are simply trying to sustain themselves, to have bigger congregations, to rebrand to appeal to more people, to be "relevant", to be cool. The problem with this is that the church then exists to benefit itself and much of the good work the church does is out of a sense of benevolence (which can be good too) but is ultimately not enough. It seems like some churches just count it success by the number of "missionaries" it sends out to reach the "unchurched" - or count the number of kids at a youth night. The problem with this is that it is in a sense tokenism- what is the church doing when they are not "sending out missionaries" or "trying to reach the unreached." It seems like the north american church has become so good at fulfilling the needs of individuals with in their church community- the church has in essence become a social service agency for it's members- you need counselling, we've got it. You need spiritual formation, here's the place. You want to feel good about serving, how about being an usher? You need to feel like you are fulfilling your christian duty, there's a seat with your name on it....and so it goes.

Church- like the word Christian or feminist or even liberal- has become so nuanced that its meaning seems almost like it has been through a game of telephone with a new characteristic added with each pass of the "call". For instance- we think church needs to happen in a building, with paid, professional staff- we think that we NEED to be involved in a church to be a "good " christian. We think that churches need to cater to us as individuals- if you want me to attend your church, you better make sure that I am getting a good dose of holiness so I feel as though I am "growing in my walk." 

I have been thinking and rethinking about what the church is and should be a lot lately. Since our culture has gripped it's firm hands around what our conception of church is, I figure that I can try to add my two cents. Pernell said tonight that a church should be a community that is sent...sent by God to respond to His reign- to live it out, with friends and neighbours and those we meet every day. He used Luke 10 to illustrate this to us and I was struck by the part where the disciples are told to take nothing with them as they go into the community- they are told to accept the hospitality, food and lodging of those they meet. I love this idea- these early Christians were sent out and they were expected to RECEIVE from those they were going to tell their good news to. How often today as Christians do we think that non-christians need to be "saved"- or  because we have a monopoly on truth-WE are the givers and THEY are the receivers. This simply isn't true. The nature of God is so good and wise and beautiful that when the disciples went out to share the kingdom of God- THEY were given things  like shelter, food and drinks. They saw beauty, joy, love, and Jesus in their travels. They were blessed by those they were attempting to serve.  This reminds me so much of a time when I was in the jungle in Ecuador in a tiny village with only 16 families. My favourite woman- with her baby tied to her back, took two of us into the jungle and cut down bananas, papayas, and mangos. And she gave them all to us. It was humbling and beautiful. This woman, who literally had NO shoes- gave us an abundance of fruit. We were the white, rich, know-it-all North Americans...we were supposed to be helping HER- but it was us that left with full hearts and hands. 

I'm still trying to figure out what the disciples did when they got to the towns and into the homes of those they were going to talk of this "new way" to- what I do know is that there was probably a lot of good food and wine and discussion and laughter. I would like to live in such a way that the hope and joy and peace that I have seeps into all areas of my life- and I would love to sit around and talk to people about how incredible I think this whole story we find ourselves in actually is. Unfortunately- we often settle for more mundane topics of discussion or numbing television. 

Today I feel like I understand things a little bit better- that everything is a little bit clearer, more focused, logical. Of COURSE we are supposed to let people give things to us- we are supposed to be helped-we owe it to people to LET them give to us. There is fullness in this conception of giving and receiving that could only created by the God that is does all things in a symbiotic and gracious manner. 

Give generously.

Receive gracefully. 

eat.

drink. 

tell stories.

share love. 

smudging and smoke

This week I had the chance to participate in a two day facilitator course put on by the Native Women's centre in Hamilton. The course was to teach social service providers how to work with aboriginal women who have been abused. I was thankful to have the opportunity to receive this training- I love to learn (and not be graded or tested afterward!) From this training I learned a few things. First off- at the beginning and end of both the days an Elder from the community (Grandmother Sara Smith) opened and closed the day with a prayer. We participated in something called "smudging" where medicine plants are lit on fire (sage?) and you take the smoke in your hands and "wash" it over yourself. The point of smudging is to get rid of negative energy and the smoke acts as a vehicle for prayers to be lifted up to the creator. We also got a chance to learn about a basic aboriginal creation story. Each tribe's story is slightly different I think but this is how the one I heard went: In the beginning the creator made all creatures and all were made equal. Eventually, the humans forgot to live the way that the creator had instructed them to live and they fell out of harmony with the earth (sound familiar yet?) So, the creator sent a helper called "the little boy" (even more familiar?!) and then the people were given the gift of the 7 grandfathers. The 7 grandfathers are love, truth, courage, bravery, respect, honesty and truth. These are the principles that the people were to base their lives on. I found a lot of peace and inspiration in the aboriginal creation story- it is so similar to that of Christianity. It makes me feel like we are all connected to each other- and we're not as different from each other as it sometimes seems.

The whole premise of this training was to learn how to incorporate traditional aboriginal teachings and values into helping women and men heal from abuse. Very cool. I was really aware of my privilege- as a white, middle class, educated, North American female. Moreover, I was made so aware of how lucky I am to have never experienced violence- not in my family or in my personal life- fortunately, none of my friends has ever expressed to me that they have experienced violence (this isn't to say that they have NEVER experienced violence- just not to my knowledge). I learned that in some aboriginal communities it is estimated that 70%-90% of women experience violence. I cannot even imagine how much violence can break a person's spirit- how it can devalue a woman, child or family.

This week I learned that a lot of women are not so lucky and do live in fear and under oppression. But I also learned that there are alternative ways to help women who have experienced such injustices- in a way that is holistic, traditional, and restorative.

Lately.

Lately...
I love living next door to my friends. I love sunday brunches with new and old friends. I love sharing wine. I love getting to know my new friends at work. I love playing ultimate, even when i lose. I love making art. I love not having to write papers. I love indian food-once a quarter. I love going to church at night. I love cnn. And coffee. I love reading blogs.
I love not driving very often. And planning parties. I love tuesday hangouts.
I love when a room is painted.
I love cooking in my hot kitchen.
I love phone dates with my friends.
I love cool morning and evenings.
And people who understand God and faith and love and life in a way that makes sense.
I love finding out that more of my friends living in my neighbourhood.
And making homemade pizza with fresh basil. I love finding a new song I love and listening to it on repeat.

Glorious Vandalism

Someone (THANKFULLY) took that awful church sign business into their own hands.

See THIS!

Yet another reason to loathe Christians.

check out this "hip" church sign.

It makes me want to die a little...and never call my self a "Christian" again.

Steinem on Palin

A good read- being a woman does not automatically make one a feminist.

Case and point: READ THIS.

Flip Chart. funny.

Green to Red

You know that fall is just around the corner when see that rogue little tree that decides to change colours before all of his buddies. I don't know if these trees  are tired of the blistering sun and are looking for a long sleep or if it's simply a gentle warning to us humans that we should soak up the last drops of warmth. I always used to think that I would enjoy living in a climate where there was basically one season...like a late spring/early summer. But I think I've begun to appreciate the sentiment and moods that the seasons bring. Winter, although WAY too long, allows us to bundle up and bunker down, watch movies, drink tea, go skating. Spring is a time of renewal, new life and endless optimism. Summer, is the time for lazy days and drinks on patios, it's a time to relax and play and enjoy. Fall, kinda like spring, is generally a big time of change- the weather gets cooler, the leaves change, lots of new beginnings and new routines. 

September is always a month of newness for me- and this year is no change...new job, new town, new degree, new "normal". 

The next two weeks are beyond busy for me- exciting and scary busy. I'm grateful for the rebel trees that turn red early reminding me to live in the moment, to appreciate where I am at today, and to begin to anticipate the changes ahead. Green is my favourite colour, but red ain't bad. 

An Open Letter to Michael Phelps

Dear Mike,

First I want to congratulate you on your epic quest for a gazillion golds. It's great, really. And it's really great that you are coming to terms with the fact that you're the most decorated American Olympian EVER. Awesome. A little ego never killed anyone.

But listen Mike, you're ruining my life a little. I have to rearrange all of my plans around your ridiculously late swim times. You and those Chinese toddlers on the gymnastics apparatuses are causing me to lose a lot of sleep.  And, as much as I appreciate your total dominance in the pool, where you race only YOUR world record time, not the other swimmers, I am starting to question if it's really worth it. First off, you have more medals than us Canadians will probably (read:definitely) get all Olympics. It's like rubbing salt in the wound. Secondly, as much as I appreciate your machine-like body, I am not sure it's worth this little fascination we all have with you...

Mike, I know way too much about you- about your double jointed everything (I didn't know there were joints in the chest?!), your freakishly long wing span, your flipper-like feet and paddle- like hands, how you wear to swim caps to avoid the drag of the goggle straps. Mike, you're a good guy. It was really great how you let Crocker take your spot on the relay in Athens...heroic, Mike, really. And I am not going to lie, little stories about acts of kindness in sports generally make me like an athlete more- and you are no exception.

You and your ridiculously low swim- spandies and your twelve-pack abs are a little bit addicting, but  really, I am getting a little worried as I watch in hypnotic expectation for you to do your ritualistic triple arm swing before your race. And quite frankly, I know that your mother has sacrificed a lot for you but she reminds me of a televangelist... and I don't really like televangelists (although I must say I was impressed when Kobe and LeBron showed up to cuddle with her). 

Listen, I am cheering for you- two more golds to go- but I gotta be honest and say that I am looking forward to getting my life back once it's over- once I can pry my eyes of you cooling down in the warm up pool, watching 6 trainers massage your legs and bum, and counting the minutes till your next swim.  

You're a bit like the 2007/8 Patriots Mike, I didn't want to like you or cheer for you- but daaaaamn  watching you go for perfection in the pool is like crack.

Sincerely,

Caitlin

*this pic is borrowed from:

hotjocks.wordpress.com/ 2007/06/08/michael-phelps/ -and no, I do not subscribe to this website, I just searched google images ; )

quote.

This is the most profound spiritual truth I know: that even when we’re most sure that love can’t conquer all, it seems to anyway. It goes down into the rat hole with us, in the guise of our friends, and there it swells and comforts. It gives us second winds, third winds, hundredth winds…the truth is that your spirits don’t rise until you get way down. But when someone enters that valley with you, that mud, it somehow saves you again.
~Anne Lamott

Employed!

I have a new job! I will officially be the "coordinator of advocacy and movement building" for the YWCA in Hamilton. I am excited to learn more about the issues of women in the community and to help bring more women into the movement for equal rights. I start August 25th and can't wait!

A Toast

A red wine, coke zero, passion tea, vanilla latte, chocolate milk toast

Here is a toast to the friends that always make you feel pretty- no makeup, sweatpants, unshowered, sick or sad...

Here's to the friends that drag you into the truth...

and inspire you to be a better person

Here's to the friends who know your weaknesses and and don't judge...

the friends who ask how your day was and entering into the beautiful and messy soil of life with you.

Here's to the friends that make you the best version of YOU.

Cheers!

A little obsessed with McLaren lately...

I just finished reading "Everything Must Change: Jesus, Global Crises and a Revolution of Hope" by Brian McLaren and I have been thinking (and talking- sorry team!) about it nonstop. What is so exciting about this book is that it asks a lot of the same questions about the church, salvation and what it means to be a "Christian". There is one page in the book that I found particularly inspiring- and I am going to copy it all out here- for two reasons...one, everyone should read this book. You can even buy it here-two, if I write it out it's a bit like studying or burning it into my brian.

Here we go....

The  sub-section is titled A Group of People Who Could Change Everything - and THIS my friends, is the very best definition of "church" that I have seen...

" A community of people who begin to wake up to the covert curriculum in which they swim each day and would want to band together to share their insights about it. They would help one another not be sucked in, mot be massaged into passivity, not to be malformed by this powerful educational process occurring in a multimedia classroom without walls or vacations. They would remind one another of the alternative framing story they had come to believe was good, beautiful, and true, and they would seek, together, to live by this alternative framing story, the radical good news.

The would develop practices of spiritual formation so they and their children for generations to come would be able to learn, live, and grow as a part of the solution, not part of the problem; as agents of healing, not as carriers of the disease; as revolutionaries seeking to dismantle and subvert the suicidal system, not as functionaries and drones seeking to serve and preserve it.

The would understand that at every moment, their identity as revolutionaries remains under assault; the gravity of compromise pulls and drags to hunch their backs, slacken their step, and lower their gaze. They would be on guard for ways that they themselves could sabotage themselves-by becoming preoccupied with trivia, or by working from the system's logic and values when trying to fight the system, or by slipping into dual narratives as the Pharisees and religious scholars in Jesus' day did, or by substituting talk for action or activity for fruitfulness.

So through word and deed, song and ritual, holiday and daily practice, they would seek to be the revolution they wished to see in the world, and they would work to spread the vision and extend the invitation to others to join their revolution in every way they could.

A group of people like this, functioning in a difficult environment dominated by a hostile system with a covert curriculum, would make lots of mistakes and need continual renewal. But it would be worth the effort and and sacrifice- as long as it understood its sacred and unique role as the bearers of revolutionary good news, the message of hope: another world is possible, available now for all who believe.

This kind of group would be the current expression of Jesus' original band of disciples. It would be an exciting thing to be a part of: a community that forms disciples who work for the liberation and healing of the world, based on Jesus' good news of the kingdom of God. 

Groups like this wouldn't need building, pipe organs, rock bands, layers of institutional structure, video projectors, parking lots, and so on...although having these things wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing, and could possibly be useful. What they would need would be simple: a passion to understand Jesus and his message and a commitment to live out that understanding in a world in which everything must change."- Brian McLaren p. 291, 292.

wordle

click on the picture

Miniature Earth

Puts things into perspective...

from what?

Yesterday I was at a church service and the congregation was singing a song and there was a line that we sang about how Jesus has "saved" us. Singing that struck me because I questioned "saved from what?" What exactly is it that Jesus has/is saving me from? I asked Matt, and he said "death"- which is probably true, but we're not dead yet, so how can we really know.

So, I've been thinking about it and I think that I need to be able to answer that question in order to be truly grateful and to fully understand what I consider to be the reality of Christ has done in this world.

So, that's the question- if you think you've been saved, what exactly have you been saved from?
More on that later.

The World we live in...

"...In this economy we consume time and produce fatigue, consume art and talent and produce entertainment and amusement, consume work and leisure and produce paychecks and heart attacks. And ultimately we consume communities and produce extended families and consume extended families and produce nuclear families, consume nuclear families and produce individuals, consume individuals and produce consumers and finally consume consumers themselves and produce disembodied fragments called "wants" and "needs" and "markets" and "segments" and "anxieties" and "drives" that the economy consumes and excretes and reconsumes in a kind of cannibalistic ferment or rot. In the process, we commonly produce successful megaconsumers of unimaginable wealth who are more or less bankrupt in compassion for their poor neighbors. And in a stroke of suicidal genius,we simultaneously produce poor people whose greatest dream is to be like those megaconsumers who don't care about them at all."- Brian McLaren, Everything Must Change, pg 130-31.

Pretty twisted isn't it?

When you don't know what to do

Recently I wrote a post on about the idea of becoming- and someone posted a really interesting comment about what I said. He or she said that "becoming is a denial of being"- interesting. Definitely something to think about. I think there is still something to be said about recognizing that we change, learn, grow WHILE still knowing that we are already loved, accepted, holy and chosen by God. I am not sure if this is what the commenter was implying, but I am grateful for the chance to think about it a little more. 

One other thing that this commenter said really struck me and seemed to be a perfect starting point for this post:

"Knowing is not enough you must apply; willing is not enough you must do."

I have been thinking a lot lately about how I know a lot but only do a little. This problem was magnified in a recent trip out west. My mom and I went to Vancouver to visit my brother and his girlfriend. They are living out there for the summer, so it was a great opportunity to see some of the country and take a quick trip to Seattle. I lived in Whistler for 4 months one summer during my undergrad, so it was amazing to see all of the changes as they prepare for the olympics. 

Let me say this; I love the west coast. A lot. I think I could live there (although I should also say that the summer I lived there and this past week had incredible, sunny, warm weather, uncharacteristic really).  The scenery is to die for- mountains, rain-for Tofino est, and ocean= amazing. I'm so envious of the surfers in, the Skiiers in Whistler and the patio dwellers on Granville Island. 

When I was in BC during university, I really didn't spend too much time in Vancouver. I have known for a long time about Vancouver's problem of homelessness and drug use and on this trip I saw it with my own eyes. I have watched documentaries about the safe injection sites on East Hastings and have heard that Vancouver is a city with completely unacceptable levels of homelessness, but seeing it first hand was far more powerful. I am sure that if I had the opportunity to meet and get to know some of the people who live on the streets, the experience would have been even more real. 

To get to my brother's girlfriend's house we had to drive down East Hastings for a while. I was appalled, surprised, saddened and confused about the number of people on the streets. I am aware of the problem of homelessness in Toronto. I have some friends that work and volunteer at a community church that lives and works in community with the homeless in Toronto, but I have never seen anything like this. There were hundreds of people on the streets, pushing shopping carts, pan handling. The sheer number of people was shocking. 

I am ashamed to say that I really didn't have an interest in domestic poverty until after I graduated. I studied international development and falsely assumed that some people were concerned about domestic issues like aboriginal justice and poverty and others were concerned with problems abroad. Thankfully, my thinking changed and I realized that I can't compartmentalize like that. 

My mom and I talked a lot about Vancouver's situation. I felt stupid and ignorant to be surprised that poverty on such a massive scale exists like that in Canada. Perhaps more importantly, I spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to help these people- because no one should have to live like that. 

I know part of the problem is drug abuse and mental illness. These are diseases. Can you imagine if  many of the people with diseases like cancer, parkinson's and MS faced the social exclusion and treatment as those with mental illness? The problem is, I don't know what can be done. I know that my friend who works with people in Toronto spends a lot of her time just being with people who live on the streets. She genuinely considers them friends, she is changed and bettered by them and hopefully  vice versa. I know that you cannot throw money at a problem and expect it to be fixed. I know that people need to regain the humanity that has been taken from them and that this involves genuine care, love, time and a listening ear. Perhaps we need more social workers, more funding, better social policy. But as I drove down East Hastings, the problem just seemed so huge...that is why this quote " Knowing is not enough you must apply; willing is not enough you must do" is so striking. Because its true. Thinking and theorizing are safe for me but sometimes "doing" doesn't feel as comfortable. So I have come to the conclusion that I must "do"... whatever that means...I want to be part of a solution, not ignorant, not turning a blind eye. I feel like I am back in a familiar place that I have been so many times before- I want to help but have no idea where to start. I am ashamed to say that this has been my frequent excuse for inaction too many times. I hope this isn't just another example of that. 

* this photo is borrowed from missingwomen.blogspot.com (Oct 16th, 2007)