i wish i wish i wish.

I have a LOT of excuses for being a bad/bland/unconfident cook...really a lot. Here are a few- as as child my mom was (is!) an awesome cook...she was a little weary of me in the kitchen, and as such I always got the lame jobs, like going down to the basement to get this pot or that piece of tupperware. Now, I too busy, it's too hard to cook great for one person, it all tastes "yuck" and so on.

BUT- I love to eat. I am a great eater. I love good food and to have dinner with friends.
So, I'm changing my attitude. I'm not a bad cook, I'm an inexperienced cook with low kitchen confidence!
So, to improve my skills (and my SELF ESTEEM!) I am going to try to cook one new recipe a week- TRY being the operative word...if it's every 10 days, I'll be ok with that too.

One day, maybe I'll be able to be a GOOD cook-- I figure some practice never hurt anyone. 

So here I go...

Note my PREVIOUS disposition to cooking and baking...

Step # 1. Look nervous

On the brink, on the brim, on the cusp...

Because I liked it so much.


Praise song for the day.

Each day we go about our business, walking past each other, catching each others’ eyes or not, about to speak or speaking. All about us is noise. All about us is noise and bramble, thorn and din, each one of our ancestors on our tongues. Someone is stitching up a hem, darning a hole in a uniform, patching a tire, repairing the things in need of repair.

Someone is trying to make music somewhere with a pair of wooden spoons on an oil drum with cello, boom box, harmonica, voice.

We cross dirt roads and highways that mark the will of someone and then others who said, “I need to see what’s on the other side; I know there’s something better down the road.”

We need to find a place where we are safe; We walk into that which we cannot yet see.

Praise song for struggle; praise song for the day. Praise song for every hand-lettered sign; The figuring it out at kitchen tables.

On the brink, on the brim, on the cusp — praise song for walking forward in that light.
-Elizabeth Alexander

perspective

Sometimes we need an anthem

i love john legend.
and i love this song.
see the lyrics below



If you hear this message, wherever you stand
I'm calling every woman, calling every man
We're the generation
We can't afford to wait
The future started yesterday and we're already late

We've been looking for a song to sing
Searched for a melody
Searched for someone to lead
We've been looking for the world to change
If you feel the same
Then go on and say

If you're out there
Sing along with me
If you're out there
I'm dying to believe that you're out there
Stand up and say it loud
If you're out there
Tomorrow's starting now
Now, now

No more broken promises
No more call to war
Unless it's love and peace that we're really fighting for
We can destroy hunger
We can conquer hate
Put down the arms and raise your voice
We're joining hands today

Oh I was looking for a song to sing
I searched for a leader
But the leader was me
We were looking for the world to change
We can be heroes
Just go on and say

If you're out there
Sing along with me
If you're out there
I'm dying to believe that you're out there
Stand up and say it loud
If you're out there
Tomorrow's starting now
Now, now

Oh now, now

If you're ready we can shake the world
Believe again
It starts within
We don't have to wait for destiny
We should be the change that we want to see

If you're out there
Ooooh
If you're out there
And you're ready now
Say it loud
Scream it out

If you're out there
Sing along with me
If you're out there
I'm dying to believe that you're out there
Stand up and say it loud
If you're out there
Tomorrow's starting now

If you're out there
If you're out there
If you're out there

If you hear this message, wherever you stand
I'm calling every woman, calling every man
We're the generation
We can't afford to wait
The future started yesterday and we're already late

it's just what we do.

I love making up silly traditions. With a group of friends- we always say the "crown of christ" grace when we eat dinner together. Amanda and I always have tea together. Kim calls me "her people" ...it's just what we do, you know? 

Another thing we (matt and i) do is make yearly books. Last year I attempted to crochet him a blanket for Christmas--hello disaster. Thankfully, I got over my pride in in April and a master crochet-er finished it for me (thanks Grandma!) 

But because I felt so guilty for not having a gift for Matt to have at Christmas- I decided to make him a book on blurb.com 

It's a fantastic website with super user friendly software that allows you to publish your own book. So I made Matt a book about the story of how we got together and added lots of pictures from the year. This year, Matt made me volume too. It's ridiculously cheesy, but man, I love it. It's so amazing to see a hardcopy, beautiful book full of the incredible year you had. It's so great to read about our year from Matt's perspective- to laugh about how a whole page got devoted to a slightly hungover breakfast in Mildmay- or "Mildamay" as Matt thought it was. These books, though we've only made two have most certainly become "what we do". 

And I wouldn't want it any other way!

Experiments with truth 2009

Since finishing grad school I have become obsessive about keeping track of things--I think I have always liked lists, but 2008 took me to a whole new level. I track the books I have read, the money I spent, the hours I spend exercising, to-do lists and so on. So it's no surprise that a new year brings with it new goals--or as I like to call them "experiments with truth"- with the idea being that sometimes its worth it to just try something to see how you feel about it, how it changes your life, your outlook, etc. Not eating meat is a great example of an "experiment with truth" because if you've never eaten a non-meat diet, how can you really know how its going to make you feel? Or if you'll enjoy eating a plant-based diet....or if you'll be tired all the time. An experiment, by definition is a trial- you want to see if and how something works. Experiments with truth are all about figuring out what works for you and being ok if it doesn't work out. So, back to my vegetarian example- if it doesn't work for you, that's that and you go back to eating meat- it's not a failure, it's an EXPERIMENT. 

Please don't think I am going all relativist on you- it's not like you should experiment with murder, or self hating, or starving yourself. You get the point.  Last year I made a list of experiments or things that I wanted to work towards. You can see that list here.  Some of the things really made a difference in my life. For example, driving less has been awesome. I not only love not spending gazillions of dollars on gas, but I know that it's good for the environment too. I have also read and written lots- also very positive. I find both activities to be packed full of pleasure. I have been trying to practice having and wanting less material "stuff"- this one is a hard one, and even though I do find myself wishing I had trendier clothes or beautiful things in my house, I have been living within my means and questioning my desires for material crap. Listening and giving people the benefit of the doubt is ongoing. Just yesterday I read a great post by my friend Steve about seeing the face of Christ in people. It's a process, and I am learning. 

So for this year, I have decided that LESS is more, so I am going to have only 3 experiments this year. I heard a doctor on CBC this morning talk about how our brains are really only good at focusing on a few things at once, so it's best to make a few great goals rather than a lot of small ones. 

Here we go...

#1. Watch what I consume.  I don't mean watch my weight or anything like that, I mean literally to be mindful of the stuff I am filling myself with- be it gossip, trashy tv, facebook, fast food, no protein, negative thoughts, etc. 

#2. Choose love. I so often forget to love people in my day to day encounters. I forget that each person was designed by God and has inalienable value. I hate that I forget this. More so, I hate when I choose to ignore such a simple truth. I want to be more loving.

#3 . Become less self absorbed. Spend less time making myself feel cool, worthy, valuable, smart, good looking, talented, etc. It's exhausting, totally overrated, and soooo 2008. I want to live for something a heck of a lot bigger than myself- and the ironic thing is that I feel a heck of a lot more positive about who I am when I stop trying so hard. This year I am going to get over myself. 

Hello 2009-- let's be friends.

I always look forward to thinking about my year- the ups, the downs, and all of the memorable moments in between. Last year I wrote a list of some of my favourite moments and I thought I might do the same for this year. This year has definitely has seen some firsts-- so here goes:

2008- it's been a good run:

- Being fortunate enough to go to grad school. Taking a class with "Cabbage Man" and learning about peace, christianity, and Mennonites = awesomeness

- Have lunch and coffee dates with Lauren Greig - spicy fries! Attempting to make Waterloo "where it's at" with Ester, Steve, and Lauren.

- Getting my ass rocked at squash by Steve

- Going to Nicaragua with the Penmans  -- such a memorable trip in so many ways. Incredible people and so great to spend time with Matt's family. The gorgeous beaches and the beautiful sun in the middle of February didn't hurt either. 

- spending time with great friends- dinners at Amanda's house with Nik, Ryan, Matt and Sim- Avocado sandwiches and homemade soups!

-Maple Syrup festival in Elmira and dodgeball intramurals with school friends

- North Carolina '08- a great trip  with great friends and good conversation. Nothing beats camping, swimming in the ocean and reading books on the beach. This year we discovered "Fanny's living Room" a sweeeeet ice cream place! Also, we made the trip to Ocracoke  a beautiful island with desserted beaches and shells everywhere. NYC was also super memorable. I wrote here  about the amazing birthday gift Matt gave me for my 25th birthday. It really was perfect- books, frisbee in Central Park and a delicious dinner in little Italy. 

-Signing up for a soccer team and an ultimate frisbee team were also huge highlights of my year- even though I was TERRIBLE at first- especially in soccer, I met so many awesome people and practiced having fun while doing something I sucked at. I got a lot better at ultimate too- I played on an outdoor fall team and just finished a fall winter indoor session. Matt and I are pumped to play indoor until March- we really love it. It's such a fun sport and the people are really great. Definitely one of my favourite new things of '08

- The summer...I love the summer. Gah- love. Especially thinking about it oon a day where is 21 degrees below zero~ I had so much fun spending time with Matt, Amanda and Aaron this summer. I loved hearing about Kim's trip to New Zealand and going to the Stretch's cottage with Steph and Jus. I loved going to "Burlington Beach" and Port Dover on Canada day. It was so hard to work on my thesis with the weather so incredible outside. I also got to spend a lot of time with my two youngest bros and I really enjoyed that.

Going to BC with my mom to visit my brother Evan in July was also awesome. Seattle, Vancouver, Whistler- I loved it all.

- Moving to Hamilton was AWESOME too- and helped me to accomplish one of my "experiments with truth" from 2008- drive less. I love love love my apartment and love even more having my friends so close. The co-op has quickly become home and I thoroughly enjoy living here. Spending time with Deb and Oliver, drinking wine and just being friends is fantastic. Living with friends so close solidifies by thinking that geographically close community is so important.

- Deciding to commit to going to the Freeway, the church that Matt had been attending is a huge highlight too. I have met so many wonderful people and spent countless hours baking, brunching, drinking beers and just living life. 

- Work has been good too- I am so fortunate to have found a job that I like with coworkers whom I really care about. It's definitely been a learning experience-- but the lessons are invaluable and I'm thankful to gain the experience. 

-Helping Amanda bake her pies for Ecuador- so fun and I had no idea that I could make a PIE! 

- I made Matt ties for Christmas and I needed a lot of help from my mom sewing them- I really enjoyed the challenge of tie making and enjoyed spending time with my mom even more. 

-Wine and Cheese at the co-op and way too many other fun Christmas events. I feel like I've been eating for a month straight!

- Finally, I think perhaps my most memorable moment was when Matt asked me to be with him forever. Of course I said yes. We're ridiculously excited to get married and have spent the holiday season showing off my "bling" and attempting to answer a lot of questions that we don't know the answers to ("what is your colour scheme?" "Will you wear a strapless dress?") 

It was such an incredible and life changing way to end 2008-- and naturally we have much hope that 2009 will be our best year yet! 

Here are a few pictures of late: 

Taylor and I on boxing day...
Matt, Mom, Ev and I on Christmas day
Engaged- in pajamas Dec 19th
Mands and I at the Co-op wine and cheezle!

Adios 2008-- it's been swell. Here's to 2009!